Chiaroscuro
Yesterday, in general was a day of ups and downs, lights and darks. In the morning Rebecca and I went to minister at Courtside Ministries here in Colorado Springs. It’s a brilliantly simple ministry. Volunteers stand outside the county courthouse, on the sidewalk, and greet people that are walking into the building, then we offer to pray with them. It’s incredible. They have a little cart with literature and some hand-made toy cars for little kids. It was so cool to be face to face with strangers and then get to pray with some of them. Even the rejections didn’t phase me that much. The people who accepted prayer were incredible. I had a man and woman stop and ask for prayer, one of them was going into court to be sentence to prison that morning… wow. The holy spirit provided the words for that prayer because I was definitely at a loss.
After a few hours there and praying with a dozen people, I went back to work and continued my already very rewarding day job. Sadly, though, at work I heard the heart wrenching news that a co-worker had lost their daughter in the flash flooding the day before. That news shocked and saddened me. The tragedy drew a deep contrast to the joy I had experienced in the morning.
After work, Becca and I were substitute teachers at Celebration Station, the children’s program at our weekly Celebrate Recovery meetings. We haven’t lead that group for about a year. We knew a few of the kids in the group, but we weren’t really ready for the madness of having 24 kids all in one room. Last year we never had more than 10. That children’s ministry time was a new high-point. The adrenaline of trying to direct the attention of all those children. The heart tugging emotion of disciplining and talking to the kids who weren’t fully engaged or were acting out. And then, the privilege of seeing some kids open up to us and share their hearts. Children’s ministry is hard, it’s exhausting and it’s also soooo rewarding.
Unfortunately throughout the day Becca had been experiencing strong muscle spasms in her stomach, and we were concerned they were pre-term contractions. So we had to rush to the ER at night after we wrapped up at church. Everything seems to be fine, but it was frighteningly real right after the joy of service. We’ve had a fair bit of experience with waiting in a hospital room. And, it brings up a lot of emotions to be waiting in one again. All of a sudden I felt an overwhelming need for prayer. The doctor came in and reassured us that everything was fine, there weren’t contractions. As that new soaked in, I started to get excited about the reality of receiving the amazing gift of my first child in a few short months. Another little spike of happiness.
My life is so different now, and it’s changing on a daily basis. I have only started to understand just how much my life will be changing with the upcoming birth of my son. I’ve been living in a state of transition for the last two months since our lives were turned upside down by the fire. It’s a time of panic, sadness, frustration and hard choices. But, also we get to see the reward of God’s provision, and we feel the love of our brothers and sisters. So many emotions get packed into short periods of time now. I am reminded again that this life is not in my hands, I am definitely not in the drivers seat. And I will eventually learn to be OK with that.
Trust in the Lord with all your heart,
and do not lean on your own understanding.
Proverbs 3:5